Reflection

I can't believe I'm almost to my thirty days in my journaling challenge, but it's been a great challenge so far. Some days better than others, but that's how life goes sometimes. So I've been doing a lot of work in trying to come back to me and working to live life as I am and pursuing what speaks to me most. So I've been working on a project. This morning I was thinking about achieving my goals and when I have been able to do so in the past, what was the magic formula? And it was work, persistence through obstacles, and absolute faith it would work out. So this has guided my day, well, after a late start (gotta sleep in once in a while) and my work on my project. As well as my continuing journey of personal development and knowing I am where I want to be and have what I need and want.

There is a lot running through my mind, less than usual, so progress, lol. But I'm really getting better at moving past the thoughts and feelings that don't serve me, because it's time to keep it moving, and what's happened has happened and it is what it is. So I'm acknowledging my feelings and thoughts in respect to certain situations and people, and letting them go. I had a great night out last night, nothing crazy, but realized, it's not that serious. And I have been dwelling on some things that really in a couple of days, weeks, months will not even matter while I'm living my fabulous life and traveling the globe, or museum (point is, there will be travel somewhere). I feel like a weight was lifted that I had been carrying and didn't realize, so I am excited and renewed. Now it's a late night, so we'll see how I feel when I wake up lol.

Until…

So today is a good day, the sun is shining, I'm feeling motivated and was ready to attack the day, after I hit the snooze button about ten times (5 for each of my alarms, so maybe we'll say 5 average). My struggle is real in the mornings, while I love to start my day early, I'm not a big morning person, lol. Anyhow, I've been continuing on this journey and building my personal toolkit and today feeling like this is the day where it all changes from here out. But motivation ebbs and flows, and there are times when I just don't feel the motivation and the temptation to burrow deeper under my sheets is strong. Or I'm frustrated at not making the progress I want and tempted to just say forget it.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I have this lack of propensity to settle, even if it would make my life easier, so giving up is not really an option. And I can be patient, but inevitably I will always reach a point where I say enough is enough and time to do better, or go for what I really want. Or the universe, God, life reaches that point ahead of me and puts up a stop sign in case I was taking my time and getting comfortable in settling when I needed to keep it moving. And it's always a hard stop. Hard. It's okay, or it will be. So, now I'm working on just going for what I want to begin with, if the struggle is going to be real either way, might as well be in pursuit of what it is I truly want and what is meant for me.

But this morning's drive to work was about the word "until." And not giving up until reaching one's goals. And trying until yielding success. And persevering until. It doesn't mean that there won't be ebbs and flows in motivation, that there won't be obstacles and that sometimes you may have to change course to find the way that will work to achieve your goal, but it means keeping your goals in mind and knowing that if not right now, well then in 15 minutes, or an hour or tomorrow, then you get back on your path and go until you reach your destination.

Do you love yourself?

Do you love yourself? If you do love yourself, are you doing the things that you love? Are you spending time with the people that are right for you? Are you in the situations that are good for you?

These are the questions I want to consider and make choices accordingly. If I choose to love myself, then I must choose the things, the people, and the situations that are good for me and reaffirm my self-love.

Just thinking out loud on paper, rather electronic medium…

The day is winding down. My mind is a bit all over the place, more than usual, and I'm trying to pull my day together and think about some lessons learned. Some days I get things so clearly, and other days, I find myself stuck or falling into old patterns and thoughts. Sometimes all in the same day. But I can respect the struggle and just do my best. And count my blessings. If the worst thing in my day, was trying not to invite someone to catch me outside…I'm doing alright, there are bigger issues happening in the world. So I'm fine in the grand scheme of things. But here we go.

As I continue on this journey of self, I seek to shed outside influences and live inside of myself and unaffected by the outside world and weather. But today, my emotional pattern matched the weather pattern. I started off a little gloomy and caught myself thinking about a past person and going down that road in my mind. But I got to work and was met with some inspiration and as the weather started to clear, my gloom and doom started to lift. Had a moment at work, it involved a peculiar relationship dynamic with a coworker, but I was able to not take it as a personal and focus on what I needed to accomplish.

And take in this notion of focusing on my sphere and doing the best that I can and not worrying about what others are doing. The other night, I started writing my vision in different areas of my life…being me, my career, my health, my relationships, etc and my why to keep me accountable and motivated. I was having a hard time focusing on that this morning but I was able to turn my day around and re-focus and before I knew it, the sun was shining and I was feeling fantastic. I try to keep in mind that emotions are temporary and that if I'm feeling down, it can and will turn around, and it's okay to have these moments but not stay in them.

Note to self…go towards the truth, no matter how painful…

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.”

I was listening to a sermon this morning and heard this message. I've heard it before, but it really resonated with me today. It's interesting that I have been taking in a lot of information from different sources and the same themes come up. This message is one of them. And I think the best place to start is with knowing yourself, believing in all that you can be (and truly believing, because those beliefs shape your thoughts and actions, which then shape your experiences), and then action towards the reality you want to create. I'm still in a space of unpacking old beliefs and shedding limitations that I have placed on myself, but each day sheds more layers and brings me closer to myself and vitality and peace all in one. I'm excited. Here's to success and happiness on my terms. Stay blessed.

What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?

Everything. I think the biggest lesson I can learn is not to hold back. As well as not to rush things. My mistakes happen when I am unsure of myself and hesitate/second guess or try to force things to happen as I think they should happen. Not to say I wouldn't make mistakes otherwise. But may as well go forth and do my best. And trust myself and the universe and and know that whatever happens, happens. Things will work out, if we trust them to. And continue to work.

There’s freedom in not caring…

I don't care and it feels freeing. Okay, a little context, I was doing my thinking thing about some recent happenings and then I stopped and was like, what does this matter? It doesn't. One, I'm wasting time and energy. And two, what does it matter? The situation is not going to change, no matter how much I think about it, plus I have much better things to think and care about. But I do want to extend this not caring and live and let live. One day at a time though. It's going to take some time and a lot of work to transform, but I'm starting to feel the difference. And it's getting easier to push through moments of being uncomfortable or unsure.

Another word on gratitude…

Your dominating thoughts shape your reality. So if you're are thinking and feeling a lot of anxiety and worry, you may experience that in reality, or if you are thinking and feeling happy, everything seems to go your way. Now, while I am quite the optimistic, I understand that our emotions follow cycles and so I know I won't always feel good but I won't always feel bad either. But I agree that the universe reflects back to you what you put out. I think this is where gratitude can be important. And gratitude for everything. Gratitude for the good and gratitude for the bad for there is blessing in every lesson. And I believe the more I can appreciate things in my life, the more life will give me great things to appreciate.

Uncomfortable…

I can feel myself retreating inward. It's a dangerous retreat, because this is where it's easy to get lost in rumination and insecurity. I will distract myself in a little while, but not immediately because I don't want to run from the uncomfortable feelings. I want to be able to deal with them and move on. Because I know if I just ignore them or push them away, they won't go away. They'll continue to live in my body and affect me. So I continue to work on really letting go, not ignoring so I can heal and grow.